Miss Iowa and A Creepy Sports Announcer Yelling at Cub Scouts to Eat Pie

My first full day in Iowa had a surprising amount of highlights, more actually than most days in my life. They came later in the evening when I went to a local arena football game with my blood family and Iowa family. My host dad I guess you could call him, Ken Croken, who by the way is the one that hooked me up with this whole dealio and to whom I am forever grateful, is determined to match me up with a nice Iowa girl. A few minutes after we settle in to our booth at the stadium (hollaaa pimp-pimp!!!) ken tells me he's got a lady he'd like me to meet. I was surprised that he was getting to work so soon but I was cool with it. Turns out the lady he brought me to meet was Miss Iowa of all people, and I must say she was very lovely and pleasant and we had a nice little chat about corn and John Deere. The Miss America pageant is coming up in January and I don't know if the American public can vote like in American Idol (or as I like to call it "Banana Squid Monkey") but if you can you should vote for her because she's uber cool. I didn't get her number or anything but at least I talked to pretty much the coolest girl in Iowa.

The second highlight followed soon after, with a halftime show Cub Scout pie eating contest. Four kids sat down at a table with pies of course and the announcer, who had the generic kind of "let's get ready to rumble" voice, emceed the pie eating goings on. His appearance was as follows: long strait hair under a plastic cowboy hat with thick glasses and a t-shirt and shorts. Once the scouts started chowing down he was saying the funniest shit my perverted mind has ever heard. He literally said:

"Come on! Get your face in there, open your mouth and suck it down!!!"

and:

"Keep your head down! No, don't look at your buddy keep going!!!"

My brother and I seemed to be the only ones that found this impossibly hysterical, and maybe you think we have some problems, but come on, that is REALLY funny.

Well in the end the home team won, and the locals were pleased. GO STEAMWHEELERS!!!!